How Trauma Shapes Our Relationships: A Therapist’s Perspective Using EMDR and IFS
As a trauma therapist practicing in Pasadena, CA, I’ve witnessed firsthand how unresolved trauma can silently shape the way people connect, love, and relate to others. Trauma doesn’t just live in the past—it echoes into the present, influencing our ability to trust, communicate, and feel safe in relationships. Through my work with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, I help clients untangle these patterns and rediscover their capacity for connection.
The Invisible Influence of Trauma in Relationships
Trauma, especially when experienced in childhood or within close relationships, can leave deep emotional imprints. These experiences often lead to maladaptive coping mechanisms and distorted beliefs about oneself and others. For instance, someone who has endured betrayal or neglect may develop an internal narrative that they are unworthy of love or that others are inherently untrustworthy. These beliefs can manifest in various ways, such as:
Emotional dysregulation: Difficulty managing emotions can lead to intense reactions, withdrawal, or avoidance in relationships.
Attachment issues: Trauma can disrupt the development of secure attachment styles, leading to anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment patterns.
Reenactment of past trauma: Individuals may unconsciously recreate dynamics from past traumatic relationships, perpetuating cycles of pain.
These patterns often operate beneath conscious awareness, making them challenging to identify and change without targeted therapeutic intervention.
EMDR: Reprocessing Traumatic Memories
EMDR is an evidence-based therapy designed to help individuals process and resolve distressing memories. Developed by Dr. Francine Shapiro, EMDR involves an eight-phase protocol that guides clients through identifying traumatic memories, reducing their emotional charge, and replacing negative beliefs with more adaptive ones. This is achieved through bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements, which facilitates the brain’s natural healing processes.
In the context of relationships, EMDR can help clients:
Desensitize triggers: Reduce the emotional intensity of memories that are activated in current relationships.
Reframe negative beliefs: Transform beliefs like “I’m unlovable” into “I am worthy of love and connection.”
Enhance emotional regulation: Improve the ability to manage emotions, leading to more stable and fulfilling relationships.
IFS: Healing Internal Parts
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, posits that the mind is composed of multiple subpersonalities or “parts,” each with its own perspective and role. These parts often develop in response to trauma, taking on protective roles to shield the individual from pain. For example, one part may become hyper-vigilant to prevent further harm, while another may suppress emotions to avoid vulnerability .
IFS therapy helps clients:
Identify and understand parts: Recognize the different parts within themselves and their roles.
Develop self-leadership: Cultivate the core Self, characterized by qualities like compassion and curiosity, to lead the internal system.
Unburden wounded parts: Release the burdens carried by parts due to past trauma, allowing for healing and integration.
By fostering internal harmony, IFS enables individuals to engage in relationships from a place of balance and authenticity.
Integrating EMDR and IFS for Relational Healing
Combining EMDR and IFS offers a comprehensive approach to healing relational trauma. While EMDR focuses on reprocessing specific traumatic memories, IFS addresses the internal system’s structure and dynamics. Together, they provide a pathway to:
Access and process trauma safely: IFS prepares clients by building internal resources, making EMDR sessions more effective and less overwhelming.
Address complex trauma: The integration is particularly beneficial for individuals with complex or developmental trauma, where multiple parts and memories are involved.
Promote lasting change: By healing both the memories and the internal system, clients experience profound and enduring transformation in their relationships .
A Case Illustration
Consider a client named Alex (name changed for confidentiality), who struggled with intimacy and trust in romantic relationships. Through IFS, Alex discovered a protective part that avoided closeness to prevent potential hurt, stemming from early experiences of abandonment. Simultaneously, EMDR sessions targeted specific memories of past betrayals, reducing their emotional charge. Over time, Alex developed a compassionate relationship with their protective part, allowing for greater openness and vulnerability in relationships.
The Path Forward
Healing relational trauma is a journey that requires patience, courage, and the right therapeutic support. EMDR and IFS offer powerful tools to address the deep-seated wounds that hinder connection. As a therapist in Pasadena, I am committed to guiding individuals through this transformative process, helping them rediscover their capacity for love, trust, and meaningful relationships.
Start Working With an EMDR Therapist in Pasadena, CA
If you find yourself struggling with patterns in your relationships that may be rooted in past trauma, know that healing is possible. With the right support, you can break free from the past and build the fulfilling connections you deserve. Start your therapy journey with Thomas Blake Therapy by following these simple steps:
Schedule a free, 15-minute consultation
Meet with a caring therapist
Start healing from past trauma!
Other Services Offered at Thomas Blake Therapy
At Thomas Blake Therapy, EMDR therapy isn’t the only service we offer. Our team is also happy to offer LGBTQ Therapy to help individuals recover from trauma and other distressing life experiences. We also offer Narrative Therapy and Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy. If any of these services resonate with you, feel free to reach out. My online therapy services are offered in the states of California and New Jersey. For more about me and my services, check out my Bio and Blog!
About the Author
Thomas Blake, LMFT is a licensed trauma therapist based in Pasadena, CA, specializing in EMDR and Internal Family Systems therapy. With a compassionate and integrative approach, Thomas helps individuals heal from trauma and cultivate healthier relationships. To learn more or schedule a consultation, please contact us.
